So, there’s this new project in the UK called Wondermart.  You wear headphones and take an interactive tour through a grocery store.  This is both awesome and irritating at the same time. (link)

I’ve been following news on the Droid since it was announced, hoping it would live up to the iPhone and I wouldn’t have to dump Verizon for AT&T.  I got an email regarding the phone’s new website, and I hate it.  Not the phone (jury’s still out) – but the site.

Here’s a screenshot of the site – which overall isn’t that bad – kind of clever actually.  Once you sit through or skip the “DROID>IPHONE” apple commercial spoof intro, this big ball loads and we’re meant to click on the concepts surrounding it.  When you click on one the big ball shows info about that item.  I like this concept.  I loathe the execution.

Yes, after some concentration, I can read that white text – but it ain’t easy.  There’s also an animation rolling around behind the letters – the red dots pulsing in and out.  Seriously?! Why should I have to squint to read about the phone’s features?  Shouldn’t they get top billing?

Additionally, the only thing that changes when you pick a new link from the wheel is that white text.  The DROID DOES logo and phone image don’t change.  Couldn’t you have put some hardware photos, or some OS screenshots in there?  I don’t want to read a two-sentence paragraph about the Droid’s GPS features.  I want to SEE the damn map.

One of the Droid’s biggest “I’m better than iPhone” claims is it’s 5 megapixel camera.  Here’s an unconventional idea – SHOW SOME SAMPLE PHOTOS.  Even if they’re fakes.  Nobody will know the difference and you’ve at least embedded the idea in your customer’s heads that the thing takes decent photos.

Seriously.  There’s a link that says “calendars” and no pictures of the calendar interface.  The God of the Internet is weeping.

Congrats, however, on making it all shiny and pretty.  That’s definitely more important than actually delivering any content.

Here’s something that should not exist, but does:

Sparky and I enjoy counting tacky Virginia Tech tchotchkes on local cars – it’s one of the love/hate things about SWVA that we’ll miss/not miss.  All those VT-adorned Silverados have now been outclassed (out unclassed?) by the Christiansburg shop owner flying this flag.

No.  Just no.

I should have seen this coming after finally getting a Barnes and Noble membership card, but it still creeps me out a little:

Dear Member:  please review these books you bought in our Christiansburg store last week.  WE ARE WATCHING YOU.

I buy coffee with my member card too, do they keep tabs on how much cream I take?  Also, I’m not sure how to write a review of a book of sheet music.

This creeps me out for two reasons:

ONE>  Somewhere in the world is a server with a database entry full of books I’ve bought.

TWO>  Completely unrelated to the Big Brother vibe, B&N expects me to have read all of these books already?  Seriously.

I searched for minutes (minutes!) trying to find a clip of the Simpsons episode wherein Lisa buy’s Al Gore’s book and the store scanner immediately sends him a message (through convoluted government channels) about it, but Fox seems to have scrubbed it from youtube momentarily.  I found this clip of the end of the scene in Spanish, which is almost as funny:

I wonder what celebratory LPs Henry Rollins or Chuck Klosterman play after the CIA informs them their books have been purchased.

This is officially the most pathetic targeted Facebook ad, topping the “Jonas Brothers Concert Experience” I saw a couple weeks ago (I was very disappointed when I found out that was a real thing, because it would have been a hilarious joke).

There are like 90 things wrong with this, but I’ll just address a couple.

ONE> “I love you enough to tattoo you on my facebook profile … but not my arm.”

TWO> Why is it underscored with those tribal tramp-stamp-esque lines?  … Is this a tramp stamp for your facebook?  If so, it should be advertised as such, which would be much more entertaining.

THREE> Facebook, please stop ad-targeting me based on my relationship status.  Not all married people have babies, want an album of their wedding photos, or love each other.  The word “zombies” is mentioned on my profile at least three times, but all my ads are about mortgages, baby care, and post-wedding crap.  Work with me here, okay?

What is up with this whole “art on the floor” thing?  I’m down with art leaning on top of a shelf or piece of furniture, but the floor?  The floor is for shoes, cat toys, and dirty clothes.

Seriously:

What is this about?  I’m seeing it everywhere.
 

Okay, to recap:

Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, I have a very serious issue to discuss with you today.  I voted in yesterday’s election after waiting in line for 30 minutes (and driving 30 minutes to get to my old town-of-residence since apparently you have to tell the government if you move – tyranny!).  After casting my ballot, I handed over the high tech polling device given to me by the election official (a couple of No. 2 pencils rubber-banded together) and was shown the door.  I did not receive a sticker.

When I inquired about the availability of stickers, the election official told me the city didn’t have enough money to buy stickers for voters.  You guys, this is an outrage.  How am I supposed to silently point out my patriotism to others?  Without that check-mark-adorned sticker on my lapel, I’ll have to share my political participation verbally.  I don’t know about you, Internet, but that’s not my America.

I urge all of you to write your (new?) congressman or congresswoman and let them know you will not stand for being destickerized.  Don’t let them take your self-satisfaction away!  KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.